A ladymag interviews a shark for Shark Week by Molly Kottemann.

Ladymag: So, how did you feel about Shark Week?

Shark: Honestly, I think it was kind of bullshit. Every week should be Shark Week. We were here first, you know?

LM: That is unfair. Speaking of which, how do you feel about being one of the oldest vertebrate species on the planet?

S: I prefer “most classic“ species. We’re like the Chanel suit of cartilaginous fishes.

LM: Aah, Chanel! I take it you like fashion.

S: I mean, I like it, there’s just not a lot of time to think about it, between the hunting, and the killing, and the cruising. It’s not like “oh, what row of teeth am I going to wear today?” or anything.

LM: What is your major beauty concern, then?

S: Body image. There are definitely times when I think, god, I look like such a whale shark today.  For the most part, though, I just eat a lot of lean meat, stay on top of my exercise.  It helps when you have to keep swimming or else die.

LM: I’m sure!  Maybe you can market that.

S: Yeah, the Shark Diet! Sharks Don’t Get Fat.  Skinny … Shark? I don’t know.

LM: Is there any pressure on you to measure up to shark role models?

S: Definitely the megalodon. Everyone’s all, “it had such massive jaws, it was fifty feet long, blah blah blah.”  You start to feel bad about yourself. It’s a “my bite force is so pathetic, why am I even alive?” kind of a thing.

LM: How do you cope with that?

S: Usually, I eat too many seals and then swim near some surfers until I start to feel scary again.

LM: Sounds therapeutic.

S: Oh, it really is. I love the sound of “Aahhh! Fuck! Get out of the water!” It’s like you guys with Enya or whatever.

LM: What about dating? What’s that like?

S: Parallel swimming, fin biting, nothing too complicated.  Male sharks aren’t big on romance. But they do have two dicks, so there’s that.

LM: Really? Weird. Okay, let’s finish with an easy one. What’s your favorite movie? I bet it’s Jaws. It’s Jaws, right?

S: Ugh, everyone always thinks that. Actually, it’s Pride and Prejudice.

LM: Good to know!  Thank you, shark, and hopefully we’ll see you next year.

S: Not if I see you first! Like, in the water. Aaahh!

Molly Kottemann is a scientist who lives and writes in Brooklyn. She knows that shark dicks are actually called “claspers”.

Grossmalerman!/Fireside Puppet Chats/Nelson Manobar/Al Wadzinski/2000 Years of Physics/RAZVAN BOAR/Romantic Agony/BLIP FEST

May 19, 2011–June 25, 2011
531 West 26th Street, NYC

Guy Richards Smit satirically bends artistic authorship with new paintings and video in Grossmalerman!  Thanks to Guy Richards Smit for the following text from Jonathan Grossmalerman, writing in defense of his portrayal in Grossmalerman!, Amagansett, April 2011:

“That a man, any man, be he a thundering genius or a mere citizen, might die never having had his own sitcom, seems to me, a terrible injustice.” Those were the last words of my father, Saul Grossmalerman, a strikingly sullen man with few ambitions, a habitual liar about boring things not worth lying about. What a piece of shit. In any case, this was one of the more interesting things he said and that it was uttered on his deathbed gave it a certain…approximation of gravitas. For what it’s worth, it has always been a burr on the tunic of my outrageous success. It was with that in mind that I, perhaps foolishly, gave permission to the painfully charismatic Guy Richards Smit when asked to use my name and paintings in his “sitcom,” a show ostensibly about me and my life. Let me state frankly: it is not.(READ MORE.)


Fireside Puppet Chats @ DIXON PLACE: Christopher Williams and Patti Bradshaw

May 18 at 6:00pm FREE
Curated and hosted by Kate Brehm, this on-going series features impromptu, informal and intimate conversations with NYC’s puppet artists. This month’s special guests: Christopher Williams and Patti Bradshaw and we will discuss the End of the World! Followed by a performance of Alissa Hunnicutt’s The Kid Inside. (READ MORE.)

Date: Thursday, 19 May 2011, 7–9 pm
Location: Cabinet, 300 Nevins Street, Brooklyn (map and directions here)
FREE. No RSVP necessary

Please join Jimbo Blachly and Lytle Shaw, editors of the Chadwick Family Papers, for the land launch of the Nelson Manobar. The Chadwicks’ recently restored occupiable model of Admiral Nelson’s HMS Victory has never before been exhibited publicly in the United States.

The event features:

Nautical electronica

Drinks from the hull of the Manobar

Rare recordings of Chadwick Dalton’s legendary sea chanty collection

(READ MORE.)

False Idols: Al Wadzinski @NYSG.

Reception May 20; 7-9pm
May 19, 2011
through June 19, 2011

NY Studio Gallery is pleased to present Al Wadzinski’s third solo show in New York. Wadzinski’s False Idols refer to the predominantly Judeo-Christian concept of idolatry, the worship of a physical object as a god. Here these carefully assembled icons are comprised of humanity’s abandoned cast-offs, the remnants of our bloated consumer culture now repurposed as inert fetish objects. The centerpiece of the exhibition revolves around a massive golden calf, referencing the Old Testament story, but this god-proxy’s body is a shopping cart filled with gold-painted bones, its undeniably bovine head an amalgam of odd parts ranging from boots to a Christmas tree stand. (READ MORE.)

The 10 Most Beautiful Experiments: A Walk Through 2000 Years of Physics @BROOKLYN BRAINERY

Thursday, May 19, 6:30-8pm

If we think back to our High School years…probably nothing. But to the scientific mind, the concept of the “elegant proof” is deep and satisfying thing. In a survey some years back, physicists identified the 10 experiments that they felt were not just important…but really cool, elegant…and beautiful. They span millennia, from Ancient Egypt to Modern Europe.

Each experiment will be related, along with the how and why of its execution (some may be tried at home – depending on your research budget). How to measure the size, mass and rotation of the Earth. What light is made up of. The atom and electron. Wave mechanics. And a smidgen of Quantum Mechanics. At the end, you will walk out with a broad, expansive survey of Physics and its history. Led by Daniel. (READ MORE.)

RAZVAN BOAR – Solo Show @ Ana Cristea Gallery
May 19 – June 25, 2011
Opening Reception: Thursday, May 19, 2011, 6 – 8pm
(READ MORE.)

Romantic Agony @ HORTON GALLERY.
May 19 – Jun 18, 2011


Ion Birch
Doron Langberg
Jacques Louis Vidal
Summer Wheat

(READ MORE.)

BLIP FESTIVAL @EYEBEAM.

Blip Festival will take place May 19-21, 2011

Marshall McLuhan writes, “Obsolescence never meant the end of anything, it’s just the beginning.” Taking Blip Festival’s spirit of ‘obsolescence as the beginning’ into the realm of visual art, a nightly screening is presented by artists who are bringing new life to the technology and aesthetics of our recent past.

From animated GIFs to video collage, from memes to digital abstraction, the artists included in Blip Festival Gallery employ the wealth of creative technologies of networked culture. Includes work and premieres by: Sterling Crispin, Alexandra Gorczynski and Nicolas Sassoon.

Curated by Lindsay Howard

(READ MORE.)